Calvin and Hobbes
C: Any monsters under my bed tonight?!
No! Nope! Uh-Uh.
C: Well, There'd better NOT be! I'd hate to have to TORCH one with my flame thrower!
H: You have a flame thrower?
C: They lie. I lie.
Calvin’s dad is trying to read a book and Calvin says, “When I grow up, I’m going to be phenomenally rich. I’m going to be the richest man alive. But I won’t let wealth change me.”
“Rats. That was our last hope,” his dad says.
Calvin gives his mean look and retorts: “You are going to be pretty lonely in the nursing home.”
Dad: “Maybe then I can finish my book.”
Mrs. Wormwood: CALVIN! We're studying geography! Now, what state do you live in?
H: Do you have an idea for your story yet?
C: No, I'm waiting for inspiration.
You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
H: What mood is that?
C: Last minute panic.
Calvin, sitting at his "A Swift Kick in the Butt, $1" stand: I don't understand, everyone I know needs what I'm selling!
Calvin (to Hobbes): Whatcha doing?
Calvin: Nothing? Nothing at all?
Calvin: I'll help.